"OPENNESS"

(attending my first-ever Corporate Worship of the BLD Community)

Checking for creases on my clothes, wiping all sweat on my forehead, spray a little bit of perfume here and there. These were the last-minute preparations that I did as I calm my self before going to Sanctuario de San Antonio - a church in the middle of the upper-class town of Forbes Park in Makati. This is not an ordinary Wednesday night for me because this would be the first time I'll be attending a different community. New faces, new way of service, possible friendships... I really don't know what to expect. All I know is that I'm just praying deep inside that everything will be smooth and I will not do anything that will put me in the spotlight.

It was never my plan to join another community. I'm happy with my stay in LOJ (Light of Jesus Family) I learned how God can minister to me in a personal way and how he longed to have a relationship with us. LOJ taught us that no matter how 'dirty' you think you are. God will still be there. I also met wonderful friends here. Some stayed while others I haven't had a chance to talk to anymore. But whether they stayed or not, I do believe that somehow they played an important role in my life.

I also had the chance of serving in different places in the community. I can still remember the first few years of my service wherein I was a part of the ushers. There are times that I go directly to our service even though I didn't have enough sleep the previous night. There are also times when I even serve with an empty stomach. But all of the tiredness and hunger are nothing compare to the smile of the attendees once they arrive in our prayer gathering.

After 8 years had passed, there will come a point in someone's life when you just want to grow more as a person. You want to deepen your relationship with Christ and meet new people in a totally new environment. Time will come that you will also wonder what is truly your purpose and often question yourself, "Is there any MORE than this?" Until you just decided to take a leap of faith to go out of your comfort zone.

After having a few deep breaths, I finally informed my contact in BLD (Bukas Loog sa Diyos Community) that I'm already in the area and asked where should I go to?

"Just go to the registration table and sign-up as a guest", my contact told me, and so I did. As I nervously walk upwards the churchdoor where the secretariat table is located, I gather all my strength and proceed in asking the nice lady in front me as I flash my anxious smile, "Where should I register as a guest?" , "You can write your details here." she said. After filling out the form, they gave me what I assume to be their Church bulletin went to the entrance and sit at the farthest pew making sure I was not noticed.

When I arrived, the service already started. But honestly, I deliberately come in late to save myself from the awkward conversations and introduction that comes with it. Then I sit back, making glances from left to right and try to convince myself to just relax.

I really don't know what will happen next. Will there be a Mass? Will I hear songs from Hillsong? Honestly, I just want to have a sense of familiarity so that I don't feel like a total outcast from the group. Suddenly I noticed that their service is not far from what I expected. You see, I already heard some stories from people who have been part of BLD. Most of them are saying the same thing - that BLD is a community that is heavily Bible-based group and takes its programs very seriously. At first, I thought of what would be their members look like. Will they be like a strict teacher who will punish you if you haven't memorized a single Bible verse? If I will ever be a part of them, will they disregard me if I'm not be as equipped as them when it comes to the events in the Bible? Will they be self-righteous? Or in short, are they "anti-fun"?

But you know what, that was my thinking then. And when I decided to come here, I need to throw away those assumptions and just humbled myself to whatever this community will offer me.

Their program is similar to a regular Mass. There is a "1st Reading", a "Responsorial Psalm" and a reading from the Gospel. The difference is that instead of a homily, the assigned couple for that week will give his/her reflection in connection with what has been read.

There are no songs from Hillsongs or other Christian singers/bands that I often hear from the Feast. What has been sung are songs from several years ago. I don't have any issues with that but after hearing that kind of music for one hour and thirty minutes, it became dull and monotonous and for lack of a better term, I felt bored. But just to be clear, there's nothing wrong with the service itself. Maybe I just used to the lively music at the Feast that it is hard for me to adjust to what I'm seeing.

After the service, one person came up to one of the podiums and announce the upcoming events for the next few months. Afterwhich, he then mentioned the guests for tonight. When he called my name, I stood up and force myself to smile at the crowd that is in front of me. I actually expect if there will be any judging looks but even though I don't find any, I still thought of what would they be thinking when they saw me.

Even if some members were already preparing to go home, I still waited for a little while hoping that someone would come up to me and formally introduced me to BLD. I almost lost all my hopes when one lady from the Secretariat table tapped me at the back and led me to whom I think the head of their Singles Ministry. She got my number and told me that they have a separate event happening on Monday nights. She welcomed me with an inviting smile and a friendly handshake.

As I go my own way, I thought of several possibilities if ever I stay with them long enough. What would I look like if I'll be friends with them? Will I ever be the same as today? I'm not sure if this new endeavor of mine will work out or not. But in the meantime, I'm just happy to know that there is now a new opportunity for me to meet Jesus on a whole new level.