"ROLLER COASTER"

(My New Year Blog for 2020!)

BASE ON MY previous blogs, you may have known by now how I've been blessed this 2019. It may have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and test of faith but I must say that 2019 is an unforgettable year for me. I experienced both highs and lows that made me who I am today. From being removed unjustly by my previous employer to risking a potential job offer to wait for the company I wished to be part of. I also have been diagnosed with a mental health condition and even came to a point of almost giving up on my faith and slowly accepting that my path is a road towards loneliness and isolation.

On the other hand, I also had my happiest moments. From being hired to a company that I have prayed for that has a compensation package that was unexpected, to having to attend a Single's Retreat for me to immerse once again in our community after backsliding for 4 years. But most of all, the highlight of it all is to have the chance to meet a group of wonderful brothers who still faithfully following the Lord despite the individual crosses they bear.

If I have a chance to describe my 2019, it would be a year of SELF-DISCOVERY. I discover a lot about myself that helped me understand the situation I'm in, how I relate to people and the challenges in front of me. This year, I also learned to put the needs of others first and to remain humble despite the blessings you have received.

And as the New Year starts, it is again an opportunity for us to let go of the past and start fresh. Even if that "past" didn't hurt you at all. Letting go does not only means throwing out the bad habits or routine you have acquired to do but sometimes it is to prepare yourself for the big things God has in store for you. These "preparations" most often than not will require you to let go of the people that you have accustomed to.

Letting go doesn't mean you are throwing out all the memories. You simply can't. The experiences you had will never be erased and will be treasured forever.

But there came a point that you will one day wake up and have to face the reality that there are things that can't just be fixed in a snap. And no matter how many options you have, you will end up with a conclusion that the safe thing to do is just simply move on.

Your reasons? Maybe you just fed up with repeating cycles of false hopes that someone will actually listen. Someone whom you can open up your insecurities without judgment. Someone who can be REAL to you because you know that you have been always real to them. Maybe you just wonder if you are still part of them or just a number. Maybe you just felt that you are the only one who caused all the negativity that branched out which ends up you being annoying already or a burden to others. Which then leads to a fear that you don't want to happen. A fear that one day they will come up to you and tell you the words... "I'm sorry, but we already tired of you"

Whatever it might be, it only boils down to one thing... And that is to move on.

Difficult as it seems, but there is nothing left for you to do than to gather your strength, stand up and walk away. Hoping for the best. Will you ever return? Maybe. When? You are not sure. People have said that you need to let go of things so that you will realize its value and importance. You need to walk away for you to come back again. Stronger. Better.

Now is the time to explore and discover more about yourself. Explore the things beyond your comfort zone and just let God direct your way. Be excited about what this year has to offer. There will be good times and also bad times but by having been equipped with the lessons you have learned in 2019, I know you will be just fine.

Finally, as you close this chapter, another book will surely open. Remain to be full of hope and optimism because this book might be the best one you're looking for. Buckle up! Look ahead, fix your eyes on the prize and enjoy the ride.