"MAYBE I'M A GOOD PERSON"

(the line that brought me back)

This is a continuation from my previous blog - "NOT A GOOD PERSON"

So there I was, spending the next few nights tossing and turning,

replaying everything that I did.

Still thinking if I really assume that I'm a good person

Since that altercation, I felt like I was left alone.

The once lively office I used to look forward to became heavy… quiet… suffocating.

I suddenly couldn’t breathe. And it was all because of me. I took all the blame but I also felt like no one defended me.

I felt betrayed and suddenly I became an outcast.

It felt like a violent wave crashing into me without warning.

The very people I trusted with something sensitive turned it against me.

I went numb.

My mind blanked out.

And just like that, trust felt impossible again.

At that point, my instincts screamed at me telling me to build my walls again.

Make them higher. Stronger. Untouchable.

I was ready to give up.

Ready to call myself stupid for the nth time.

But then a thought came to me—

If I shut myself off from the world again, how will I grow?

How will I learn?

How will I ever receive the care, friendship, or love I’ve always longed for

if I refuse to let anyone in—even the ones who genuinely care?

So I stood my ground.

Maybe the narrative feels familiar…

but I still get to choose how it ends.

I went back to my core, the one my community and church friends kept reminding me of:

That at the center of every person, there is goodness.

And that includes ME.

So this time, I chose differently.

I didn’t isolate.

I didn’t let myself spiral to depression.

I fought.

I persisted.

Instead of drowning in self-blame, I searched for the good in me—

the version of me people smile with,

the energetic, funny, helpful version of Neon.

This time, I accepted that I can make mistakes and still not be a totally bad person.

I stopped the self-blame and chose self-compassion

And with that shift, I made a decision—

"This will not extinguish my fire."

I’ve survived battles in my mind far worse than this.

This may cut deep… but it is not the end of me.

So instead of leaving the wound open,

I chose to put bandage on it.

To heal. And to keep moving forward.

I may have hurt people.

But I also choose to forgive myself for doing so.

And remind myself… that maybe I’m a good person too.

#MaybeImAGoodPerson #SelfGrowthJourney #TrustAndHealing #FindingMyself #InnerStrength #SelfForgiveness #EmotionalReflection #PersonalEvolution #MindfulMoments #LessonsLearned

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