"QUARAN-TEN" pt.2

(10 things I've learned during lockdown)

Number six on my list that I learned during quarantine is learning to take care of your mental health. The awareness regarding Mental Health issues is already on the radar even before the pandemic starts. When it finally did, conversations about this topic became more prevalent, which prompts different support groups and organizations to conduct online seminars to help those in crisis.

Most people become depressed, got anxious, or just been overwhelmed with all that's going on, and the sad thing is that it is hard for them (and me!) to "escape" this situation because we have no choice but to stay at home. When we browse through our social media, we see the rising cases of patients who tested positive for COVID. It seems like everything suddenly became hopeless, and we became helpless.

That's why I decided to unfollow and unsubscribe to media-related pages and replace them with things that inspire and give hope. Instead of drowning myself with all the negativity, I chose to listen to worship songs and allow myself to absorb its lyrics and melody. I decided to filter what I see on the outside and remember what our leaders in the community taught us. They told us that we might not know the future of this pandemic, but what we do know is that God is still in control. He still reigns and knows what is best for us. By continuously repeating these truths to myself, it gave me a sense of assurance and security to go all through this. We will all survive, and one day we can go back to the life we once had.

I became more understandable and able to listen genuinely to someone.

Since this pandemic happened, I learned that I'm not the only one who had issues with Mental Health because many people experience either the same thing or even way worse than I am. That is why when I have the chance to check on my friends, I decided to be more compassionate and listen to them intently. I knew how it feels to have all these emotions bottled up inside of you and choose not to express it because you're afraid to bother someone or ruin an event. I knew the feeling of not being listened to when I spoke out what I feel, so when it is my time to listen, I give the other person the freedom to just let it all out. My goal is not to provide pieces of advice or to tell them what they should or should not do. Rather, I want to provide a safe space to allow them to release their burden. By doing so, it will help them to ease their feelings, even for just a while.

Is there someone who recently share their feelings with you? How did you handle the conversation? Did you give advice even if that person didn't ask you to, or did you listen to him and help unload his burden?

On a different topic, I also noticed that talking to people nowadays is not just a simple "talk" or greeting. Today, there is no small talk, every question seems to have a depth into it. I don't know if you also observed these, but for example, when someone ask, "How are you?" People would normally say "I'm fine" then proceed to whatever he is doing. But now, when you ask, "How are you?" there is a pause, a sense of depth. It's like the person you are talking to is digging inside of his current state and also inwardly asking himself, "Wait, how am I really?" "Am I really ok?" It quickly becomes more personal and more contemplative.

Speaking of people you've been talking to, there was one time that I decided to browse my list of friends on Facebook and noticed that some of them I haven't talked to for like ten years or more. These were the people I haven't built a relationship with, not because I purposely do so but because we didn't have the chance to bond with one another. Which led me to ask myself, "Why do I still have this person on my list then?" Maybe because when we were younger, we often think that the more people you have on your friend list, the more popular you are. You based your happiness and worth on them whenever they leave a "like" or comment on your posts. Even though it's fun at first, it will indeed become addicting. But when you grow up, you thought that having friends is not about the quantity anymore but the quality or value that person can share with you.

There is a quote that goes: It is better to have five real friends than a thousand fake ones. So I promised myself that from now on, I'd be choosing wisely before I consider someone to be a friend. You're looking now for deep, honest and meaningful conversations and not just a simple "Hi" or "Hello."

Do you have quality friendships in your life right now? How is that so?

Second to last item that I learned during lockdown is not getting too attached to the people around you because in the end, the only person you can count on is yourself. As a person who relies so much on others even for minor decisions, this is one thing that is challenging for me to overcome. Often, I expect other people to always be there for me whenever I feel sad or defeated. That is why it is hard for me to understand why these people I consider friends would not have the time to check on me if I'm still ok not thinking that they also have their own issues.

I recently admitted that this kind of attitude is very toxic. Instead of gaining sympathy from others, I push them away even more. There are times that I felt that no one is there to pat my back, saying that I did a great job or telling me that I'm important to them; well, in fact, the first person who should do that is myself. There is this harsh reality that no matter how you treasure someone, that someone will one day leave you in one way or another, and you can't do anything about it. People come and go. Strangers can become friends, and friends can become strangers overnight, so if you solely put your happiness to these people who are just temporary, you'll get brokenhearted quickly.

Where does your happiness come from? Is there a person in your life that you consider to be the only source of your joy?

Lastly, we should never forget that we are responsible for our own happiness. This final lesson can summarize all the things that I've mentioned in this blog. But that's the truth. Every day that we wake up, we still choose whether to be happy or to be sad. We may not have the power to control what is happening outside, but our responsibility is to look at it positively. Had trauma as a kid? It's not your fault. Experienced abuse or being neglected at home? Don't put the blame on yourself. But the question is do you carry those hurts and pains to other people? Now that is a decision for you to reflect on. Every negative situation is an opportunity for us to grow. A chance to learn new things, a chance to help, to assist, to be the best person that we can be!

Taking in these ten realizations and lessons I have listed, I noticed that I become more at peace with myself. I become more calm and more understanding not only to others but to me as well. There is a sense of unexplainabe freedom, and although old thought patterns would resurface, it all boils down to which voice I will listen. Is it the voice of despair and hopelessness? or the voice of encouragement and inner love?

To cap it all of, I wish that you were able to relate or connect to some of them if not all of them. You can also add to your own list if I missed anything. Hopefully, these can help you change your perspective and see things in a different light. Lastly, before I go, I would like to leave you with a quote that speaks about our current state: "Don't try to understand everything, because sometimes it is not meant to be understood but to be accepted.