"TOGETHER"

(my Feast Conference 2025 reflection)

For the past twelve years of attending the Feast Conference (back when it was still called the Kerygma Conference), I can honestly say that this year’s gathering felt like the simplest yet most impactful one for me. It wasn’t as over-the-top as previous years, but it wasn’t underwhelming either. If anything, this conference gave me the space to really absorb everything. Unlike past years where my mind felt scattered, this time I was present—maybe because I walked into the weekend feeling completely empty, which also makes me open to whatever God wanted to show me.

Some of you who’ve seen my stories might already have a sense of the state I’ve been in. But to give a little context: since January, I haven’t been feeling well. I don’t know what triggered it or why it happened, I just woke up one day feeling nothing and empty. That’s when I started comparing my present self to my old self. The old Neon who used to be optimistic, cheerful, appreciative. The old Neon who, even in the middle of depression or loneliness, still managed to be hopeful once he stepped into the office. But my present self feels like he no longer cares. I became cynical. Even when something positive comes, my first thought is that it won’t last. I just got tired of everything and everyone. I used to second-guess people’s intentions occasionally, but this year it intensified. Maybe it was my way of preparing myself to the fact that I will be left all alone, so I need to stop relying on anyone. This feeling culminated last June when I told a friend that I just wanted to vanish, to not exist. And while I still had moments of happiness, I found myself pulling back, telling myself not to get attached because the joy that I'm feeling is only temporary. That became my routine.

Knowing all of this, I was looking forward to this year’s conference. More than the classes or the powerful worship sessions, I looked forward to being able to breathe, to relax and to feel safe, because every year, Feast Conference has really become that safe space for me.

This year’s theme was TOGETHER, and throughout the three-day event, the heart of every message pointed to one truth: we are never alone. Each plenary speaker unpacked the idea of “not being alone” from a different angle. One talk centered on our role as stewards of God’s creation, reminding us that we share this world with others, and when we take nature for granted, we all suffer the consequences. Another segment featured families who serve the community TOGETHER, showing how unity can be lived out in everyday life. But the moment that moved me most was when Bro. Bo Sanchez invited Fr. Joel Jason and two pastors from different Christian churches to share their stories. It was a powerful gesture of building bridges, showing that even when someone’s faith or background differs from ours, we are still called to love them, just as Jesus taught.

The topics varied, yet as the conference unfolded, one message kept echoing in my heart: whatever we’re going through, we were never on our own. We are not alone. God is here, always, available, present. And with Him, we can walk through everything TOGETHER.

And I smiled.

After more than a decade in this community, I’ve witnessed countless moments where God responds at the exact time I need Him to. I’ve seen how He arranges situations so that His message reaches me right on cue. And this year was no different. What moved me most was realizing that God never demanded that I “snap out” of my sadness. He never scolded me for not being my old self. He never said, “Neon, how dare you feel depressed when I’ve given you everything?” He never blamed me or turned it into a “you problem.” Instead, He spoke gently. With just a few simple words, He gave me exactly what my heart needed to hear. And the most beautiful part? Even as being the God of everything, He still respects my pace and my timing. I never felt Him forcing me to get better instantly. He simply stays, continually inviting me back, always waiting for me to return to His presence.

At this point, I can say that I'm still not completely okay. I still have days where I feel so low and empty that disappearing seems easier. There are still dark days when thoughts of self-harm pass through. But what keeps pulling me back is the truth He reminded me of this weekend:

I was never alone.

Not then.

Not now.

Not ever.

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