"IKAW, ANO GUSTO MO?"

(the confession of a chronic people-pleaser)

Ilang beses ko ng sinabi ang mga salitang yan. Growing up, I also tend to ask people around kung ano gusto nila sa isang bagay before formulating my own opinions. As a chronic people-pleaser before, (today, di na masyado haha!) I always want to make sure na everyone agrees to a thing before ako pumili. Whether kung anong kakainin, tama ba ang suot ko, ano ang tamang words na sasabihin etc. Syempre, takot kang ma-outcast eh. Takot kang ma-exclude sa isang grupo. I thought by doing that, people would find me "cool". But as years passed by, sa kaka-seek ko ng validation sa iba, I end up not knowing kung sino ba talaga ako. Sino ba si Neon?

In my head, when I please other people, akala ko I'm doing this "sacrificial" thing na parang ako yung mabuti sa iba pero nung nakapanuod ako ng isang Tiktok video from a psychotherapist, where he said that people-pleasers are NOT being selfless to others but instead, they are being SELFISH. Like what the??? Weh? As he explained it further, gets ko na. What people do is that when they always please others, subconsciously, what they really want is for them to be the MAIN CHARACTER of the situation. Gusto nila sila yung bida, sila yung papalakpakan. It is really about PLEASING THEIR OWN NEEDS. Hindi sila fully concern sa iba kundi yung goal is to satisfy themselves.

It really hit me big time pagkatapos ko ma-realize yung ganung point. People-pleasers like me are only focusing sa sarili nila while people who are being genuinely caring for others are willing to disrupt the environment or situation. They are willing to risk the relationship dun sa tao para sa ikakabuti nila. Pero of course, we can't just simply judge those people-pleasers. If we try to analyze it further, at balikan yung reasons bat ganyan naging thinking nila is because dahil na rin sa papaano sila na-brought up sa childhood nila. One of the reason probably is because at home, the parents set standards na sobrang taas na kailangang ma-reach muna ng anak bago sila makatanggap o mapakitaan ng kahit kakatiting na love and affection. Kaya ending that child will do anything to reach those standards. That kind of thinking will reflect sa ibang taong makakasalamuha nung batang yun kaya sila nagiging people-pleaser.

Siguro at this point, may times pa rin na nang pplease pa rin ako ng tao. I still have those thinking na kailangan kong magpa-impress lagi, kailangan kong manlibre, kailangan kong mag over-compliment at maging "happy" lagi dahil pakiramdam ko if I don't do that, those people might lose interest in me. Pero na-realize ko, nakakapagod yung ganun. Nakakapagod yung palagi kang nakasunod, laging kailagan mong i-adjust yung needs mo para sa iba. It really affects everything that you have, identity, your perception of yourself, your own principles etc. Kaya now, masasabi kong I could make my own decisions na rin. I'm more aware na sa gusto ko. I learn to say "NO" sa mga bagay and not allowing myself to feel left out when I see others are having fun without me. Mas kaya ko na ika nga. Syempre, marami pang need iimprove (because it doesn't happen overnight!) pero may pinatunguhan na.

Of course, you there might some friends who will go and leave when I try to choose myself, but I'll let them. Because I know that he true ones will stay. Kaya this time, masasabi ko na rin na,

"AKO, ITO ANG GUSTO KO."