"ALLERGY" pt.2
- NeonLights
- Sep 25, 2019
- 2 min read
Who can say that everything will be ok?
Who can reassure me that everything will be fine? Who can be truthful enough to say that no one is thinking the way I think of them?
Some of them would suggest that I should also help myself. That is why I searched for articles upon articles as to why I'm like this and what would be the best solution for my case. And apparently, as crazy as it seems the most important thing to do is to have a RELATIONSHIP. A real and authentic relationship.
Oh boy...
The thing that I have an allergic reaction to...
The thing that I'm most afraid of...
The thing that I try to avoid is the thing that I desperately needed...
Last week, I had a realization that the reason why I felt down and disappointed is because I made other people the center of my attention. I have prioritized them so much instead of Jesus. I admit on this and asked God for forgiveness that night but a thought came in my mind. "So does this mean, I need to let go of them?" Does this mean, that I should not talk to them anymore fearing that I'll get attached and instead talk to Jesus and Him alone?
If the answer is Yes, then is it safe to assume for me not to have friends at all? And just focus on Him? Am I destined to be Alone? Am I destined not to have other people in my life? I know that He is the only one we need because He is perfect and complete and I should be happy. But why I'm still having sad thoughts? Does this mean my faith is weak? Does this mean I am not praying enough? Does this mean my feelings are not valid? Am I not being grateful enough?
Do I want to get everything back to normal? Yes, I do. But honestly, I don't know how. The fact that people have already "seen" a glimpse of the other ME. A person who always wallow in doubts and fear. A person who pretends to be strong and happy just to have friends and who hides his brokenness afraid that when he shows it, no one will stay long enough to understand. A person whose mask is already stitched in his face thus doesn't know who he is anymore and always questions his worth and value. Will someone remain?
Will I ever find the Cetirizine for my allergy called RELATIONSHIP?
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