7 TAKEAWAYS IN 2024

(reflecting on my growth from the past year)

I could summarize my 2024 as a year of pushing outside of my comfort zone and revisiting the passion I once had. Just like any other year that has passed, it has ups and downs, had my share of wins and losses, and new things that I discovered within myself and how I perceive the world. Last year, my faith has been tested, my self-confidence has been doubted, and my trust has been put at risk when I allowed myself to be vulnerable to others. Despite all of these, I saw how my confidence grew, met the most amazing and talented individuals, and somehow got mature in dealing with relationships. It is not easy for sure, but comparing who I was before to who I am now, all I can say is that I'm really proud of what I have become.

There are still a lot of things to learn, but the fact that I've gotten this far is good enough for me. As I look back, I list down seven progress that I made, which reflects my personal growth, as well as, areas where I still might need to work on.

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• I learned not to overshare things...

I noticed this past year; I am now able to hold back when I started to realize that I’m oversharing things. Growing up, I had a habit of speaking for minutes at a time when given the chance to talk. It came to a point that the things that I would discuss were no longer relevant to the topic anymore. According to some videos I watched, this kind of behavior was rooted in childhood, when a child was not given a chance to express themselves at home. When a child was being scolded at or wasn’t given the chance to explain his/her side, that child would grow up to be shy when meeting new people, but when being allowed to talk, they share too much, thinking that they might not have that opportunity again.

Starting last year, I became more aware when I’m leading the conversation. In my head, I was able to analyze and consider if what I’m saying is still important or if I’m just blabbering nonsense. I was able to read the room and the reactions of others if they started to become uninterested in what I’m saying. I don’t blame them, of course, but it's important to recognize that sometimes you just allow your actions to speak for you instead.

• I became braver in cutting off friends...

As someone who has faced rejection so many times, I promised myself not to chase people anymore. I vowed to myself that when people underestimate my worth, then there’s no point in continuing the friendship, regardless of how short or long that friendship has been.

A brief backstory: in 2024, I chose to cut someone from my circle when I realized that the person didn’t make an effort to value what’s important to me, which was my mental health. Even though there’s this aspect that should be considered that maybe that individual isn’t aware of what I’m going through because he hasn’t experienced what I've been through, it still hurts me when I see that the person has already decided not to make an effort to understand my situation. It seems that whenever I discussed this matter, I felt that he doesn’t listen and just wants to dismiss the topic entirely.

I decided to be distant, but I was still hoping that the person would at least make an effort in reaching out, but unfortunately, he didn’t. There were times where I had second thoughts, thinking if what I did was the right decision to make, wondering if I was too harsh or if I was simply allowing my emotions to take over. Then one day, I scrolled over a TikTok video where it said that when you’re always the one reaching out to a friend, then that relationship is just one-sided. After giving it some thoughts, I realized that if I’m still the one who puts an effort in this situation, it will look like I’m starting to chase or beg people again, which breaks the promise I made to myself.

Also, I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to waste anymore time on people who don’t make an effort in friendships. I put so much value on my friends that once I see that I'm not being treated the same way, then I think it is best to just remain acquaintances. It was not just simply expecting something in return. For me, it is a sign of respect.

The hurt of cutting someone off will never just disappear because the truth is that you have invested your time and love for that person, but I’d rather endure that pain than stay up late every night wondering if there is anything wrong with me.

• I am slowly letting things happen the way they should...

One of our preachers in the community talked about how perfectionism often comes from the need to always be in control. When you strive to always be perfect, it is just your mind that tells you that you should know all the nicks and crannies of every situation, that you should always be prepared, and that you should have a contingency plan when things go bad. If you looked into it further, you’ll see that the reason why people (like me!) have this kind of thinking is because of the fear of disappointing others. You don’t want people to see you as inadequate or to fail them because, by not doing a good job, they might think about you differently.

When someone grows up in a family that lacks affirmation or encouragement, that child is more likely to become a people-pleaser. That kid will long for someone to tell them that they’re great or they’re doing a good job so much so that they will do anything and to have this “nice guy” image. If that person thinks that something isn't lined up, he or she crumbles, which is why they make sure that everything falls into place, making them perfectionists. 

As soon as I learned this, I tried myself not to control things and instead accept them as they were. There are times, of course, where I still caught myself trying to control everything, but once I realized what was going on, I stepped back and tried to analyze the situation first. Identify what are the things I can and cannot control. Once I see it, I just focus on the things I can change and move on from there.

• I stepped out of my comfort zone...

Performing arts was never an alien to me. Ever since high school, I often joined the school’s theater organization and was able to be part of two productions during my college years. I could still remember how I was so passionate in this field that sometimes I tend to skip my classes just to make it to our group’s rehearsals. (I don’t recommend this!)

After graduation, as much as you want to continue your passion, the reality is that there are bills that need to be paid. At that point, I chose to be practical. I totally let go of that passion and started to earn for my family.

Thirteen years have passed, and I have completely forgotten the excitement I once had in the theater. Until one day, when I saw a random post on social media inviting everyone to enroll in an acting workshop. I just went, despite my nervousness. There were times when I asked myself if I still “got” it, but after two weekends of attending, it became one of the memorable workshops that I had. The entire experience made me rediscover my love and passion for performing, and as a result, it helped me gain my confidence, which gave me the drive to try attending other classes and return to the thing that I once enjoyed.

• I realized that I slowly became genuinely happy with the success of others...

It might be because of how I was accepted and how kind the people I met in the workshop, but lately, I've noticed that I become more genuinely happy for the success of others. As a kid who always compares himself to other people’s achievements, I tend to get jealous and envious. Before, when I tell my friends that “I’m happy for them," there’s a part of me who wishes that I was in their shoes and had the blessings that they are getting. I resort to self-pity and always put myself as the victim. This time it was different.

Whenever I see their Instagram stories or their achievements, no matter how big or small they are, just by seeing their smiles as their dreams slowly become a reality, my heart is just full of genuine happiness and pride, promising to be always there to be their fan. This excites me a little bit, because I know that when the time comes that it is my turn to have my dreams come true, I know that they will also cheer for me.

To be honest though, there were still moments where I felt envious and jealous, which is normal as these were real emotions after all and can’t just simply disappear. This part of me might still be in progress, but now that I am more conscious of it, I try my best not to be overcome by it.

• I decided not to expect too much...

Do you know the saying, “Too much expectation leads to too much frustration”? That’s what I was before—I expect too much of people because when I become friends with someone, I’ll do everything to make that person happy, hoping that the person will make the same efforts as I do. Unfortunately, not all people could do it. People will always fail, and once I understood this truth, I became calmer and more at peace. This doesn’t prevent me from making big efforts for others, though. I still do them, but this time, I do them not just because I’m expecting something in return but because I want to make others and myself happy.

If they return the favor, then that’s great! If not, then it’s fine too.

• I began to accept compliments as they were...

Although this is something that I still need to work on, I think somehow I started to accept compliments as they are and not second-guess whether that person really means that or not. Like what I mentioned earlier, I grew up not receiving any compliments or affirmations from my family. So, I created this false façade of being too nice to people just to please them in any way possible. However, the ironic thing is that once I receive it, a part of me would say that I don’t deserve those compliments, that deep down my mind is telling me that I'm not worthy of those praises and if they only knew my bad side, they would think twice. This kind of mindset of overthinking things made me really unhappy. It affects not only how I view others but also the people who truly cares for me. It also pushes people away, leaving me all alone.

There’s also this element of when people give me compliments, in my head I’m thinking, “Oh, what does this person want from me?" It is like I need to always be suspicious about one’s motive and have my walls up and in defense mode, preparing to fight at any moment, but the reality is, there’s no enemy except myself.

Last year, I began to reevaluate myself. Whenever people express how great I am, I try to just immediately say “Thank you.” No second-guessing, no thinking of any hidden motives, and no self-talk of unworthiness. I tried to live at that moment, put down my defenses, and believe that those people might really see something good in me. I promised myself that unless I see something that would make me think otherwise, I’ll treat every compliment as genuine and real. This new mindset made me happier, secure, and at peace.

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After listing all of these, I can really confirm that I did a good job. 2024 was really a year of growth in my personal life, which I’ll continue for this year. There might be things that I still need to focus on, but hey, progress is still progress. I’m happy with what I accomplished so far and looking forward to what I’ll learn in 2025.

Let’s go!