"Quit" - SB19

...Oh

I'm afraid to die alive

Losin' myself tryin' to be a lie

So I'd be picture perfect in your eyes...

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The first time I heard this song from SB19’s latest EP “Simula At Wakas,” I was instantly hooked. It brought me back to my teenage years, days shaped by the emo/rock alternative scene. The sound reminded me of the heydays of Goo Goo Dolls, Evanescence, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, and all those bands I used to rock out to while drowning in that familiar “I don’t wanna live, get me out of here” kind of angst.

But when I sat down and read the lyrics, the emotions hit even deeper especially that line mentioned at the top of this page. It pulled me back to a version of myself of being a chronic people-pleaser. I was the kind of person who cracked jokes even at the wrong time, even at my own expense, just to make others laugh. I would lend out my newly bought papers and pens to classmates, and when I ran out, I felt guilty for having nothing more to give. Back then, I thought it was just generosity. But the truth is that it is just my way of being liked and validated.

I struggled to make decisions on my own. Whether it was something significant—like which school to attend for college—or as simple as what to order at Jollibee, I always had to ask someone else first. Deep down, I had this unconscious need to belong, to be affirmed. I thought I was just “being nice,” or I'm just doing those things for the sake of "pakikisama" but really, it was a hidden cry to be seen and heard. Over time, I lost myself and my sense of identity because it was depended entirely on how people perceived me. If they liked me, I liked myself too. If they didn’t, then I didn't like "me" too.

I never dared to share that sob story with anyone. After all, who would waste time listening to my story? So I just hid behind a mask. When meeting new people, I projected an image of someone who had it all figured out—someone who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. But if you looked closely, you’d notice the cracks. The mess. The emptiness beneath the façade.

Years passed, and little by little, I began to rediscover who I really am. Now, I can choose what I want and stand by it. I can walk away from relationships that no longer work without being crippled by guilt. I won’t lie, there are still moments when I fall back into old people-pleasing ways. But compared to before, I’ve grown so much. And honestly, this time I can finally say that I know myself more and be happy with who I am.

#SimulaAtWakas #SB19 #HealingJourney #SelfDiscovery #PeoplePleaserNoMore #GrowthMindset #EmoToHealing #KnowYourWorth #SelfLoveJourney #PinoyMusic #EmoKidsGrewUp #LifeReflections #MentalHealthAwareness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH47kcuAr18