"As You Find Me" - Hillsong United

And I know I don't deserve this kind of love

Somehow this kind of love is who You are

It's a grace I could never add up

To be somebody You still want

But somehow

You love me as You find me

If You want my heart

I won't second guess

'Cause I need Your love

More than anything

I'm in, I'm Yours

Your love's too good to leave me here

Your love's too good to leave me

---

Speechless. Yan yung salita na nasabi ko nung narinig ko itong kantang to kahapon sa Feast. Sobrang tagos sa puso hanggang kaluluwa. Let me explain to you why.

Last Saturday, I was depressed (again!) and all of these negative thoughts came to my mind regarding my LG. And dumating ako sa point na itong LG ko, na sobrang bait, sobrang undersranding and kind saken na parang deserve ko pa ba to?

And then, I once again looked back at my failures in life. All the opportunities that I missed, all relationships that I just let go, all the things that God has given me without asking yet I don't appreciate.

As I mirrored yung love ng LG brothers ko sa love ni Lord saken, thoughts of unworthiness came in, my primary thoughts were fear of losing them (my LG) or na baka magsawa sila or baka maiwan ulit ako. At ganun din yung naisip ko kay Lord.

Na parang Lord, "Alam ko naman na mahal mo ko PERO sorry ha? Sorry I'm not as perfect as You want me to be". "Lord, eto lang ako eh" and as I searched further deep within me I realized that yung problem is NOT His blessings kundi MY ABILITY TO RECEIVE HIS LOVE!

So, I contemplated kung aattend pa ba ako ng Feast kinabukasan. Naglalaban yung decisions ko whether to isolate myself or to attend. At dahil ayokong maka-miss ng Mass, I just force myself to go out. Pero instead sa PICC (where my brothers were) sa Ortigas Feast ako nag-Mass.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko "ok, Mass lang ako tapos uwi na." pero when I check our group chat, most of my brothers are waiting for me and already looking for me sa PICC. So sabi ko "what the heck, bahala na" sumakay sa taxi at tumungo dun.

Actually, wala naman akong ine-expect na ano man. Kung makita nila ako, then good. Kung hindi, ok lang din. Pagpasok ko, worship na. At itong kanta nga yung pinatugtog.

And parang God-ordained lang talaga yung nangyari. Parang sinasabi sa kanta na kahit na-lost ako, kahit na piliin kong magtago sa love ni Lord, MAHAL PARIN NYA KO! Na at that part sa worship, ang message ay:

"Neon, oo di mo naman deserve yung Love ko pero mahal parin kita. Lagi kitang hahanapin. Makulong ka man sa depression mo, pero gagawin ko lahat mahanap lang kita. At yung love ko sayo, pinapadala ko sa mga tao sa paligid mo. Sa family mo, sa LG mo."

Sobrang napatigil talaga ako. Na parang ganun talaga yung Love ni Lord, na kapag tinamaan ka, wala kang kailangang ibalik sa Kanya. Basta, yakapin mo lang, magpakalunod ka lang..

Kaya Lord, sabi nga dun sa kanta, "If you want my heart, I wont second guess" Di ko na tatanungin kung bakit mo binibigay yung love mo na yan, basta tatanggapin ko na lang...

Your Love that is OVERWHELMING...

Your Love that is all-POWERFUL...

Your Love that is UNEXPLAINABLE...

Your Love that is INDESCRIBABLE..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0eXYR65Z2w